It is our response that defines us.

“It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences.”

-Audre Lordes

There has been an uproar in my community, lately, over the arrival of a discriminatory group. Everyone is angry and they want to stand up, to fight back, to respond, and let it be known that these people are not us. But how do we respond? How do we stand up to bigotry and hate when a post on Facebook is not enough? What is the next step?

When we have such a group coming into our community and trying to gain a foothold, our first thought tends to be protest. We want the public, and those we are protesting, to know that we stand against what they believe and practice. We want to stand in front of them with clever signs and angry faces for all to see, but protest is not the answer. These groups have a legal right to believe what they want to believe, and to gather in a place and discuss those beliefs. This is one of those rights we all cherish, fight for, and protect, for ourselves as well as for those with which we vehemently disagree.

So it begs the question, what are you protesting? Their right to gather? Their right to believe as they like? Their right to exist? A protest does not further your cause when all you are doing is protesting the fact that a group you disagree with is holding an event in your area. All protest will do is make you look like the bad guy. It will bring attention to their event, and attention is what they want. Particularly if they are trying to recruit people. That attention could bring in outliers that might not have known about them otherwise, which grows their numbers and helps their cause, not yours.

Protest is loud. It attracts attention and certainly has its time and place. Something like the Dakota Access Pipeline, the Women’s March in January, the anti-war and Civil Rights actions  in the 1960’s, these are all examples of protest being necessary. They brought attention to issues we would not have known about otherwise. They made a loud, straightforward statement that the actions of the establishment are not acceptable. They were about big things that sometimes were not part of public awareness, and some of which were not meant to be.

The situation here, the discriminatory group having an event, it is not one of those things. They are seeking attention here, not avoiding it. They fan the flames of anger, and confuse our sense of right and wrong with misleading language. They do this to make us talk about them, good or bad, because there is no such thing as bad press. The best thing we can do is starve them of attention.

I know protest feels satisfying, because you are taking direct action against something deplorable. However, take a step back and look at the further implications of your actions. How will your protest affect the rest of the community you represent? How will it affect people of color and LGBTQ+ people in the community you represent? When you protest the existence of a group because of their beliefs, it is more likely to bring negative attention. For an already fringe group, this means the larger public may lump the two sides together, associating all of us with the people being protested. While we know this is the absolutely most inaccurate depiction of our community, the general public does not. This makes it harder for us to be out, it makes it harder for us to get space for events, and it makes us more targeted by other groups that think we shouldn’t exist.

There are smarter ways to fight the influence of these discriminatory groups. We can start by building better communication and connections within our community. We can make a clear statement that we do not support the discriminatory values of these groups, and do so not only in word but in action. We can create space to have discussions about all forms of discrimination in our community, and encourage people to look clearly at how that manifests. These are discussions we need to have in our own community, and in our society at large. It is daunting to think about this affecting the larger society, but if we begin in our own communities, we start to affect the rest of the country, and the rest of the world. One conversation at a time.

One of my favorite quotes is attributed to Margaret Mead: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” Sometimes, this means picket signs and protest, but not always. The “thoughtful” part is what is most important. We have to be smart about how we go about fighting things. We have to take stock of what effective tools we have to bring about change, and we have to know which tool to use with each differing situation. Most importantly, we have to be organized, and willing to compromise with each other. We have to understand when to put the grandstanding and egos aside so we can listen to each other. Together, we can give some thought to what tools are effective, the best way to use them, and how to organize and implement a workable plan.

This is not a battle to be won with confrontation, this is a battle to be won with information and communication. Talk to each other. Build our community and our bonds within it to be stronger, and more resilient. Educate people about who we really are and what we really stand for. Start having the difficult conversations. Make sure we really, actually listen to those directly affected by the hate and bigotry spewed by those we stand against.

So, let’s starve them of the attention they are so desperately seeking. Let’s build our community with unity, acceptance, and understanding. Let’s promote each other’s events, groups, and projects. Let’s celebrate each other’s achievements, and educate people about who and what we are, so we can shift the focus to the good we can do together.

“Unity does not mean sameness, it means oneness of purpose.”

-Priscilla Shirer